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I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT THAT I SWALLOWED A 10 POUND MARSH MALLOW. WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND MY PILLOW WAS GONE.


I TOLD THE DOCTOR THAT EVERYONE KEPT IGNORING ME AND HE JUST SAID ''NEXT PLEASE''.


I WALKED INTO A BAR THE OTHER DAY...''OUCH'' IT WAS IRON ONE!.

so here goes my atempt at a couple jokes, but im not as good as my master, sir robert stovell.
dont know why they say carsberg is the best lager in the world, i found a can on the wall outside my house 2day and it tastes like piss!

ive just recived a letter saying that my friend has died and left me a very expensive watch... i hope its not a wind up!!

for new year i took my wife to the maldives,we were on the beach and she asked me,"what do you think of my flip flops?"i said,"i think you should keep your bra on" .
nite nite..yido out. hope u all have great weekend.

WELCOME TO THE JOKE PAGE deanyido.




GREAT TO SEE OTHER mzawf'ers COMING TO THE PAGE OF LAUGHTER...Every joke is welcome so keep em coming...

TOMMY COOPER SAID ''''I WENT TO THE DOCTORS WITH A STRAWBERRY GROWING OUT OF MY HEAD. HE GAVE ME SOME CREAM TO PUT ON IT''

I SAID TO THE DOCTOR ' I CAN'T PRONOUNCE MY 'F's , T's , and H's ' he said 'well you can't say - fairer than that then '

i rang up my local building firm and said ' i want a skip outside my house' he said 'i'm not stopping you'.

I ASKED A PRETTY,YOUNG HOMELESS WOMAN IF I COULD TAKE HER HOME.SHE SAID YES WITH A BIG SMILE.THE LOOK ON HER FACE SOON CHANGED
WHEN I WALKED OFF WITH HER CARDBOARD BOX.

were so skint that i had to get my wife to sell one of kidneys to help pay for christmas.
if things get any worse i might have to cancel sky sports!!

my wife and son are leaving me today
because of my obsession with horse racing!
....................................................
and their off!!!